


Daily Dose of Fun with God Eaters

by xuanling9116



Category: God Eater | Gods Eater
Genre: F/M, Humor, Multi, joke, prank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-30
Updated: 2016-04-15
Packaged: 2018-02-11 01:57:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2049015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xuanling9116/pseuds/xuanling9116
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of unwritten one shots for 'The First Snow During Winter'.</p><p>Kota's pranks was relentless and Tsubaki was getting frustrated. But there are times even the most obedient God Eaters would unwittingly pouring oil on flaring fire, not to mention there's still an eccentric doctor who constantly creating unnecessary inventions what drives people nuts!</p><p>Facing all these chaotic scene unfold, what would our favorite female protagonist do?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ways to Annoy People

  Kota was originally an energetic growing teenage boy. Like other typical growing boys, he loves to prank, and it happens a lot. Even though most of his fellow God Eaters knew he had lot more pranks stored up his sleeves, they appreciated the teen’s antic dies down for some period to give them a break.

  And this time, most people decided that Soma was to blame.

  "Tch, should've just kept my mouth shut about room cleaning." Soma muttered under his breath.

  Why would a simple room cleaning lead to Kota's non-stop craziness?

  Simple, he found his list of 'Ways to Annoy People' in the mist of his garbage room, and decided to enact the first 30 on the list for fun...

  Alas, here’s where the Chaos begins…

 

**1\. Scream loudly while flapping your arms and running in tight circles.**

  Don't know how to react to the teenager’s sudden outburst of craziness at first; Soma blames it on the lumpy and disgustingly sweet pudding ration for causing sugar high. He gathered up his tray and changes his seat next to his unit leader; act as though he don't know the person who was acting chicken in the middle of the cafeteria.

 

**2\. Race someone from the top floor to the main entrance.**

  Score for Aurora's wolf pup Leonard, epic fail for Kota.

 

**3\. Wolf whistle people straight in their ears from behind.**

  A large bruise left on his cheek for days after received a nasty falcon slap from a very flustered Alisa.

 

**4\. Before going to the bathroom, announce it to everyone that surrounds you.**

  "What are you a three years old?!" Soma yelled.

 

**5\. Repeatedly say the name of whoever stood in front of you and when they reply, say "I'M A CHAIR!!!!"**

  Leonard immediately used him as a cushion after shifting from his pup form into a regular size wolf.

 

**6\. Bark like a dog whenever someone says 'the.'**

  Aurora paled, switches her gaze from Kota to Leonard and then back to Kota again, once she finally snap back to her sense, she exclaimed, "You two switched bodies!"

  "They did not!" shouted Soma who happens to walked by just in time to overheard the conversations.

 

**7\. Walk up to some random people, and say in a really serious voice, 'Do you know the Muffin Man?'**

  Kanon shook her head with a 'No', and offered to bake him a plate of Volcano Pudding instead.

  Kota flees.

 

**8\. When you talk to someone, talk like a this, "Duuhhh...Ummm...Er-OH! Um... Talk like... Duuhhh, you're, um, what's the word? Uhh, ummm.... Dee dee dee... Oh, STUPID! Deh-heh-he... Uuhhhhhhhhh......"**

   Paylor dragged him to his science lab as he thought the side-effect of injecting Oracle Cells into human body finally kick in and damage human brain.

 

**9\. Write a 20 page essay on being gay and email it to all their contacts.**

  Alisa and Aurora just read through the contents and deleted the mail, while other girls squealed in excitements for you-know-what.

  "I pretty damn sure I'm straight." Tatsumi deleted the mail and went to flirt on Hibari again.

 While Soma being Soma he is, he frowned after only reading the first paragraph, "His gay?"

  He did a mental note to stay away from Kota for days.

 

**10\. Stare intensely at a person for few minutes until the person ask what’s wrong, gasp dramatically and take a few step backwards, scream "YOU ARE AN IMPOSTER!!!"**

  For unknown reason, Aurora panicked. Kota felt guilty for unintentionally scaring his stressed up leader and quickly apologized by treating her a lunch.

 

**11\. Scream in someone's ear.**

  Soma shoved dozen cans of disgusting First Love Juice down into Kota's throat to make him sick and shut him up.

 

**12\. Laugh but don't stop laughing**

  "Leader..." Said Alisa nudging her leader worriedly, but her gaze never left the laughing teen.

  Aurora was too dumbfounded to make any reply as she stared at the teen's hysterical state...

  What was so funny about slaying a fallen Arda Nova for their next mission?

  "This guy finally lost it," snorted Soma. But deep down, he was worried as hell.

 

**13\. Stalk one of your friends.**

  In result, he was being chased down by Ogretail sized Leonard for stalking his mistress like a creeper.

 

**14\. Stare into one direction, then get a frighten look on your face and scream, "Oh my God, they've found me!" and bolt.**

  Soma assumed one of Kota's past victims of his pranks had finally caught up with him.

 

**15\. Stroke your chin and ask your friend to tell you about his/her mother.**

Apparently, he made a mistake by choosing the wrong person to ask. He had Alisa depressed for days.

 

**16\. Have a heated debate with yourself.**

Yet again, he found himself being drag towards the lab by a smiling Paylor.

 

**17\. As soon as the instructor asks for your reports, say that you ate it.**

Tsubaki didn't even bother to ask how on earth he swallowed an armlet sized disk without dying, and whack his head hard with her clipboard.

 

**18\. Follow someone around all day and do a commentary on their every move.**

"Soma is now sleeping on the couch!"

"Soma is now glaring at me!"

"Soma is now storming towards me!"

"Soma is now- GYAaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! Leader! Help! Help me!!!!"

 

**19\. Persistently call the first person you saw in the morning 'sweetheart' and wink at him/her in front of everyone.**

His fellow God Eaters saluted him for his idiocy and massive courage for pulling such a stunt on Tsubaki after being sent into the sickbay.

 

**20\. Pretend to look smart by reading a thick book, expecting to be praise.**

"Kota..." Aurora calls out the teen.

"Wait, can't you see that reading right now?"

"Err... It is good to see you reading for a change, but..." Aurora hesitated for a second, trying not to hurt the teen's feeling, “Why are you reading a dictionary upside down?"

"..."

 

**21\. Tell a joke, no matter how lame it was, laugh like crazy and expect others to do the same.**

"What goes up and never come down?" Kota asks.

"Height," Alisa answered without showing much interest, flipping the fashion magazine in her hands.

"No!" Kota grinned, unfazed by his teammate's lack of interest, "It's your age!" He burst in to laughers shortly after he gave the answer and slapped his own knee.

  Alisa could only stare.

 

**22\. Throw random objects around the cabin.**

   Hence, Aurora has to constantly stop Soma from throwing Kota out of the helicopter through the whole ride. Because this sugar high scout accidently, unintentionally did one of the bravest things that a sane human never thought of doing...

  He accidentally threw Soma's God Arc case out of the helicopter.

 

**23\. Talk like you are talking to a baby.**

Felt insulted by Kota, Leonard leaped off from his mistress's comfy lap...

Thus begins another chase down.

 

**24\. Play the annoying mosquito ring-tone, tone down volume and see if anyone could pinpoint the 'mosquito'.**

Soma swats the 'mosquito'.

 

**25\. Ask a group of your friends where babies come from, and see their reactions.**

  Lindow and Sakuya coughed, Alisa blushing furiously, Soma turned his head to look away, while his leader...

  "Babies come after a father and a mother was married," Aurora answered with a straight face, completely oblivion of the bewildered looks that she was receiving.

  It appears that their leader never had a birds and bee talk even though she's almost seventeen.

  And she still didn't receive one after this.

 

**26\. Practice your juggling skills with anything you can get your hands on.**

The janitor forced him to clean the floor that is matted with scary substances of four cans of First Love Juice.

Aurora offered to help, but was dragged away by Soma.

 

**27\. When a helicopter takes off, scream "OMG! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"**

"Before that happens, I'm gonna make sure that you are the first one to die!" growled Soma with his hands covering his ears to protect his eardrums from further damages.

Aurora yet again have to retrain Soma from kicking Kota out from the flying helicopter.

 

**28\. Regardless what the topic of a conversation was, interrupt with "lolololololollolollolololol."**

Alisa narrowed her eyes at him, "Are you mocking me?"

Alisa was asking Aurora for help to improve on her melee combat skills, but she decided to use Kota as her melee combat dummy.

 

**29\. Ask people what gender they are.**

"Ah, great timing. I need a practice partner sharpen my aims." Gina said with a hollow smile.

Kota apologized and fled.

 

**30\. Scream "Don't! Didn't you see it sitting there right now?!" when a person is about to sit on a chair.**

  Poor Kanon stood up abruptly before her bottom could even touch the surface of the chair, eyeing Kota gratefully, “You see 'it' too?"

  "Huh? See what?" his smile faltered a little.

  "I thought you could see 'it'," Kanon hesitantly pointed a spot beside Kota, "There's a-"

  Kota runs off before Kanon could finish.

 "- cockroach crawling beside you..."

 

  After a week of Kota’s misbehavior, Tsubaki decided to send Kota on a few solo missions to kill off some of his excessive hyper drives.


	2. Ways to Annoy People-Exam Horror!

  “No fair!” Kota exclaimed despair as he pointed his finger at Aurora, Alisa, then Soma, “Why is that only the three of you don’t need to sit for the promotion exams?!”

“Tsubaki told me that there’s no need for me to be take it for now with my current rank.” Replied Aurora innocently.

  “I’d recently being promoted Sniper Private.” Alisa replied bluntly.

  “That’s because I’m a veteran,” Soma shrugged, crossed his arms over his chest.

  “Tsubaki said that you could’ve been promoted by now without needing to take exams as well if only that you didn’t sleep through the whole session of lectures that is…” Alisa explained, face showed disinterest as it was long expected from the redhead teen that he would eventually being sentenced to face the horror of tests.

  “No way!” Kota flailed his arms and eyeing the platinum blond with unconvinced glance, “I may sleep through the lectures but this tough guy here probably skipped the whole session of lectures, which makes him worse than me! Then why aren’t he being given paper tests?!”

Soma just grunted and turned his head aside, but not before Kota spotted a taunting smirk on the buster blader’s face.

“I knew it!” Kota wailed, pointing his finger at the smirking young man who soon glared at the offending limb, “That’s not fair! They can’t just let you off hook just because you are the son of the ex-director!”

“It has nothing to do with that!” Soma growled at the offending accusation.

  “About that, Soma **did** being given paper tests long ago and I’ve happened to get a glimpse of his marks on a stack of the old files on Tsubaki’s desk,” Aurora interject and justified calmly before chaos breaks loose in the lounge, “Soma’s grade was rather high.”

  “How is that even possible?”

  Smirk returned to Soma’s face while Kota hugged his own head in pure terror. So much for hoping that he have a buddy to fail the exams with him…

And worse, these three who he called closest friends in his whole life didn’t seem to care that he was being plunge into the depth of inferno filled with mind wrecking and brain scorching papers along with little straight lines of mumbo-jumbos which humans called them words of Q&As.

“It’s either fail or fail again for you,” Alisa stated in a knowing tone.

“Seconded.”

“Good luck.”

 “You three…” Kota sobbed.

* * *

 

The next day…

“Say, leader,”

“Hm?” Aurora replied as her eyes glanced her surrounding in case for a surprise attacks.

“You look cheerier than usual,” Alisa said as she gunned down the last zygote from a distance, “Did something happened?”

“Maybe.” Aurora chirped, picking up her black wolf who had shape shifted back in to his convenient pup size and stroked his pointy ears as a reward for his hard work, “I’m having a good feeling that Kota will do well in his tests.”

“You think that he will pass?” Alisa agapes, still not trusting her own ears that she had just heard something delusional came from the mouth of her leader, “No way! I’ll say calamity is near if he could even manage to score a ten!”

  “Nah, we’ll just have to wait and see.” Not faltered by her fellow female teammate’s words, Aurora confidently remained chirpy about it whilst the only young man in the team for today frowned at his leader’s merry mood.

‘There’s no way that idiot will pass.’ Soma thought as he slung he Gods Arc on his right shoulder.

 

 

Meanwhile back in the Den…

Kota shivered in fear at the last part of the ‘list to do’ in his hand before shoved it into his baggy pocket and took a deep breath. Needless to say, he is going to take his exams in your usual ‘Kota’s style’…

 

**1\. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"**

Karel had tried to steal it from him so that he could make money out of the so-called ‘secret documents’.

 

**2\. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.**

He had received numerous hateful glares from other examinees who had stayed up all night sleepless for the sake of study.  

**3\. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.**

That was the scariest dare he had ever dared of doing.

 

**4\. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm so sure you can hear me thinking. "**

Tsubaki was that close to make his life living hell.

 

**5\. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand any of this. I've been to every lecture! Why is this happening to me?!”**

”That because you slept through all the lectures.” Tsubaki stated bluntly.

 

**6\. Bring pets.**

Kota swiftly wolfnapped his leader’s furry companion into the exam hall soon after he spotted his teammates came back from mission.

And for once, Tsubaki was grateful to Aurora’s wolf. Because that bundle of fur have the tendency to bite the teen awake when he doze off during the middle of the tests.

 

**7\. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas. "If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.**

Tsubaki was _not_ in a very merry and giving mood that day.

 

**8\. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.**

He never knew he had an artistic sense in him until that day.

 

**9\. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!**

Dr. Sakaki had literally brew him a tea, and entered into a deep conversation with Kota about the mystery of the ‘unknown’ language.

 

**10.** **Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.**

When Shun got thrown out of the exam for that, Kota almost felt bad. Almost.

 

**11\. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.**

“Never knew you’re a herbivore, very well then,” Tsubaki narrowed her eyes, the tone she was using instantly spelled doom to Kota for whatever the instructor was going to say next.

“There’s a stack of unwanted old file back in my office, would you mind eat them for me?”

Kota died.

 

**12\. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.**

“Easy indeed,” Soma smirked as he crossed his arms around his chest, “Easy for you to fail that is.”

 

**13\. Do the entire exam by using only true/false.**

_Example: State the breakable parts of the Kongou._

Answer: False.

 

**14\. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.**

Tsubaki calmly hand him back his papers along with a bottle of correction liquid, giving him a ‘chance’ to ‘rectify’ his answers. Clean and neat.

 

**15\. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Forget this!" and walk out triumphantly.**

In return, Tsubaki have ‘forgotten’ to mark his papers.

 

**16\. Arrange a protest before the exam starts.**

Most of the examinees watch in amuse as the lone teen carried out his protest outside the hall.

 

**17\. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).**

“Here.” Soma strode into the exam hall with annoyance and shoved a phone into Kota’s face as he could no longer stand the wailing coming from the room due to his keen hearing, “Your mom’s on the phone.”

Kota could not fathom how awkward it was when he tried to explain himself to his mother over the phone under Tsubaki’s watchful eyes.

 

**18\. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop.**

“You might not know it, but you really are in jeopardy.” Tsubaki threaten.

 

**19\. When you walk in, complain about the heat.**

“Then strip.” Tsubaki offered.

 

**20\. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher."**

This time, Tsubaki couldn’t help it but to agree. But rules are rules; she can’t pass him because this has nothing to do with the original exam.

 

 

* * *

 

“I can’t believe it! This is absurd!” Alisa moaned after a glimpse at the results on the notice board, “There’s no way that Kota could pass the exams! This is a sign of calamity! Apocalypse is near! Aurora, do something!”

“It’s alright, Alisa,” Aurora smiled as she was scratching Leonard’s jaw, “Just calm down, read your fashion magazines and you will be fine.”

“I agree with Alisa on this one, Aurora,” Soma said as he stared blankly at Kota’s result, “Apocalypse is near.”

That idiot actually scored higher than him.

Little that they know that it was all thanks to Aurora’s little… prank.

 

_Yesterday…_

_“Huh? What do we have here?” Aurora blinked at the slip of scribbled paper that Leonard dropped on her lap before snuggling himself against his mistress’s side._

_Reaching her hand down to brush the silk coat of the wolf, Aurora swiftly skim through the paper, recognized the awfully familiar hand writing and then furrowed her eyebrows at the contents._

_“List of Ways to Annoy People in the Exam?” she muttered before giving a glance to her companion, “You sneaked this from Kota?”_

_The black wolf wagged his tail in positive manner as a reply._

_“This doesn’t look good, he will fail for sure.” Aurora frowned in worried manner before an idea struck her._

_She chuckled mischievously before grabbing her eraser to rub off the last task on the list. Mimicking Kota’s handwriting, she playfully altered his list to do._

_Once it was done, she had Leonard deliver it back to the owner of the list and looking forward for result of her little good intentioned prank._

**_“21. Beg and cry to the instructor for he/her to give you another chance to redo the whole tests and pass them. Impress your comrades with high score!”_ **

****

“High five, Leonard!” Aurora chuckled as her palm met with her wolf’s tiny paw, while the others in the Entrance still screaming that the apocalypse is near.


	3. Tsubaki's Dilemma

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the plots.**

**Warning: This one shot happens before the story of “The First Snowfall During Winter.”**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

 

  Placed her clipboard on her office desk, Tsubaki pinched at the bridge of her nose, sighing in fret at the misbehaviors of the God Eaters in the Den these days.

  Yes, you didn’t read it wrong. God Eaters as in plural.

  And here she had thought she would only have to worry about Kota Fujiki’s constant endless pranks and Soma’s frequent rule breakings (although it seems to be less these days, but still did nonetheless), who would’ve guessed that even some of the remaining well behaved members in the First Unit (Lindow doesn’t count as he was literally hopeless in Tsubaki’s list after years being his sister) as well as some of the other Unit’s members seems to start showing some mishap in whatever they did.

  Don’t get her wrong, they are all outstanding God Eaters who complete difficult tasks given and give their best for greater good.  They certainly should be given some time of fun for themselves as an atonement for snatching away their freedom and comfy life to risk their lives in the battle of life and death every single day in such young age.

  But young or not, work is work; fun time is fun time. They should be old enough to understand and be responsible on how to separate these two matters within a snap of fingers.

  Since they seemed to have gone overboard to the point for Tsubaki to received complains and harsh lectures from the higher ups regarding to the young God Eaters’ lack of disciplines and attitudes. She knows for sure it’s about time for her to set solid boundaries.

 

* * *

 

  “Leader,” Alisa poked her head into Aurora’s room after a few knocks on the door, and saw the First Unit’s favorite leader was currently brushing her black wolf’s fur with a brush, “Have you seen the newest notice sent by Tsubaki?”

  “Nope,” Aurora tilted her head aside in confusion, wondering why Alisa would come to her room just to ask her about something a possible regular notice instead of fashions and dresses.

  “You should read it, it is rather… amusing.” Alisa let herself in to the room, passed a piece of written paper to her confused friend and sat on the empty space of the single bed beside the leader and her wolf.

 “Unacceptable God Eaters Behavior…” Aurora’s brows furrowed in further confusion at the rather odd tittle. The Den never has a handbook about disciplines or any other except for a Norn to provide public information about aragami and stuffs. So why now?

 

Aurora thought as she scanned through the list.

 _1._ _God Eaters may under no circumstances, use the PA system at the entrance to announce about how the rations provided taste bad._

_2\. God Eaters may under no circumstances turn a person’s black wolf pet into a mascot. The fact that a wolf has relation with the name of Fenrir does not make this acceptable._

_3\. God Eaters may under no circumstances address his superior as “Old man”, “Yo Doc”, “Crazy First Love Juice inventor” etc._

_4\. God Eaters may under no circumstances throw his colleague’s God Arc out of the chopper (Read chapter 1)._

_5\. God Eaters may under no circumstances kick his colleague into the hungry mouth of Aragamis even if as incident number 4 happened as we might experience men shortage if this happens every time._

_6\. God Eaters may under no circumstances redecorate the women’s bathroom. In fact, male God Eaters should not enter the women’s bathroom to begin with._

_7\. Gods Eaters/Scientist may under no circumstances providing/inventing inedible foods or drinks that could possible cause food poison or taste bud damage. Example: Volcano Pudding and First Love Juice._

_8\. Gods Eaters may under no circumstances abuse the facility of the terminal sending emails of being homosexual._

_9\. God Eaters may under no circumstances flirts and disturbs the operator on duty._

_10\. Gods Eaters may under no circumstances turn the entrance into a drunk party floor._

_Thank you._

 

“Almost everyone involved…” Aurora said once she was done reading.  

“Yea,” Alisa nodded to affirm her leader’s assumption, curling a strand of her hair with her finger, “And seems that Tsubaki wasn’t stopping just yet, I wonder what’s written in the next notice.”

There’s still more? Aurora thought as her jaw almost hit the floor.

“Funny, I’m actually looking forward to it.” Alisa chirped, unexpectedly excited about reading the entertaining more than disciplining list.

 ‘Is this…really ok?’ Aurora could only guess.

 

* * *

 

  As Alisa anticipated, the second list came in the next few days, obviously regarding about the slight… or she dared say many mishap during the annual dinner two days ago.

 

_To All God Eaters Attended the Fenrir Far East Branch Annual Dinner,_

_Due to some weird and rather embarrassing occurrences during the annual dinner two days ago, I’ll hereby outline some basic rules that should be heed in assurance that such humiliating antics **should not** be happening again in whatever public occasions in future._

  1. _Refrain from setting your own fireworks **especially** in side of the building._

  2. _Do not interrupt the speakers to make announcements about the striking connection between a colleague’s pet black wolf and the name of our organization._

  3. _A pet, notably size shifting type, should not be allowed to appear in the annual dinner, regardless how well behave and super trained it was, especially not in front of scientists from other branches; unless you want it cage up in the science lab._

  4. _Do not place whoopee cushions on superior’s seats, regardless how arrogant they may be._

  5. _Do not bring any of your own baked food into the annual dinner party, people might confused it as one of the dishes from the chief and get food poisoned._

  6. _Do not pour First Love Juice into a council’s drinking cup._

  7. _When asked to say a few words for a toast, do not reply, “Tch!”, “Aragami is in the house!”, “Rations taste bad!”, “It’s so troublesome!” or even “We are so gonna die young!”_

  8. _Do not scare the councils or scientists from the other branches with your aragami infected hand._

  9. _Do not talk boast about your marriage life or any rated activities involved in the topic, your superiors and your colleagues do not need to know any of it, your wife won’t be pleased as well._

  10. _Attendants should all be in formal attires, this means no animal costumes allowed. Be professional, you are not in a circus._

  11. _Do not flirt an operator on duty and ask if you could kiss her at midnight. You may not._

  12. _Do not spread false rumor about the ration being poisoned and cause a riot._

  13. _If one of the important guests asks what is your rank, “Shut up” and “Back off” are not an appropriated responses._

_Thanks,_

_Instructor Tsubaki._




“No one seriously want to make a comment about these lists?” Aurora once again furrowed her brows.

Needless to say, she could tell Tsubaki was desperate.

* * *

 

Aurora remained speechless as the third list came into her hands.

 

_To all God Eaters,_

_Recently some God Eaters have gotten unruly when writing their debriefing mission reports. Thus, I feel that there’s a need to emphasis that the reports should be professional and neat. Since there are a certain few of you could not grasp this concept, I’ll hereby make a list of examples that should NOT appear in your mission reports._

  1. _Do not start the report with “I have a dilemma and I know I must write you about…”_

  2. _Do not start with “Dear Journal”, “Dear Diary”, “Dear Your Highness” or whatsoever._

  3. _“I charge crushed a few aragami and then come back,” is not a sufficient report._

  4. _“I came back alive” is not sufficient description as I want a full description of the whole battle sequences, not about how you came back and write about being alive._

  5. _Ripped clothes and damaged accessories have nothing to do with what kind of aragami you are fighting against. Don’t bring it up._

  6. _There are differences between talking and writing, hence, you **do not** stutter in your written reports._

  7. _Your report should not be an essay on why you deserve a raise._

  8. _Do not start reports with the words, “Do you know how I got my hand infected?”_

  9. _Do not start reports with the story of your birth as I already have every person’s personal information in my files._

  10. _Do not hand in reports with a visible wolf’s paw prints._

  11. _Do not hand in reports such as “I didn’t call for backup because I wanted to” in every sentences before getting into the points._

  12. _Do not finish all your sentences with “do you get what I mean?”._

_Thanks,_

_Instructor Tsubaki_

 




 

Aurora’s eyes widen at number 10th and swiftly shifted her disapproving gaze to the black wolf lying beside her.

Leonard could only whine and made a mental note to chomp down his fangs on a certain teen in orange for making him being falsely accused.

* * *

 

**P.S. Those who kindly gave me suggestions and ideas in writing the next chapter of “Daily Dose of Fun with the God Eaters” at previous chapter, please be patient with me as I’ll try to write them as soon as I can. :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the plots.**

**Warning: T-rated choices of wordings.**

**A/N: It has been awhile! I was laughing like crazy when I read all those hilarious auto-corrected texts from a certain website and thought, ‘Hey, why not I write them into GEB’s fan fiction?’ And voila!**

**Hope you guys have a good laugh out of this!**

 

 

* * *

 

 

Just recently, one of the staffs from the System Department came to announces that the systems of every electronic devices in the Den, which included everyone’s' PHS were required to be reformat and upgrade with new features for easier development in the future.

 

Three days were spent unproductive and inconvenient for everyone without the communicating devices and were relieved when the said devices was finally returned to them after upgrades.

 

Nothing seemed out of ordinary to them as everyone checked their returned PHS for possible errors before each of them headed back to their own respective departments and duties.

 

Everything was normal, until they finally noticed something was very wrong whenever they write reports, receives or delivers the texts with their newly upgraded devices hours later.

 

Thus, began the mishaps.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Mishap 1: Tatsumi and Hibari**

 

Hibari: Thanks for the hard work today. The rewards for your previous missions with be delivered into your account and personal storage in an hour. Please do remember to check for your received items via Terminal. Thanks you.

 

_Tatsumi: Sure :) So should we go out for a drink later? I can't wait to see those beautiful nipples of yours._

_Tatsumi: NO!_

_Tatsumi: I'm so sorry I meant dimples, my phone changed it_

_Tatsumi: I did not mean to write nipples._

_Tatsumi: I'm going to feed myself to Gboro-Gboro._

 

**Aftermath: Thoroughly flustered and embarrassed, Tatsumi feared to look at Hibari in the eye and for once, did not flirt at her for a week, much to his friends' surprises. And Hibari was just as indifferent as usual.**

 

* * *

 

**Mishap 2: Kota and Mrs. Fujiki**

 

Kota: Hey Ma! Good news! I just got my virus today!

 

_Mrs. Fujiki: How was that a great new? Are you Okay? Do you need to take a day off from your work?_

 

Kota: WHAT?! I meant vaccine! Not vaccine!

 

_Mrs. Fujiki: Now you are confusing me._

 

Kota: I meant virus!

 

Kota: V-A-C-C-I-N-E!

 

Kota: Virus!

 

Kota: Nuuu!

 

_Mrs. Fujiki: You're worrying me here, sweetie._

 

Kota: Gah! Stupid auto-carrot!

 

**Aftermath: Overwhelmed by confusions and worries, Mrs. Fujiki decided to pay a visit to the Den for a change. Meanwhile, Aurora was just as confused as Mrs. Fujiki, as the said woman's son suddenly picking a fight his PHS while they were heading towards the location of their next mission on the chopper.**

 

* * *

 

**Mishap 3: Licca and Aurora**

 

Licca: Can you pick me up some rations while you're on the way to the God Arc Storage Room?

 

_Aurora: Sure! Which one?_

 

Licca: Iced-Crack

 

Licca: Iced-Carrey

 

Licca: Itched-Curry

 

Licca: Iced-Carrier

 

Licca: ......

 

_Aurora: So... Where should I get those?_

 

Licca: Forget those, I meant Iced-Cranky!

 

_Aurora: ..._

 

Licca: OH COME ON!!!!! >n<

 

**Aftermath: Fortunate enough, Aurora was able to figure out that the frustrated young mechanic actually meant 'Iced-Curry' before she seriously considered to look for those weird stuffs from Dr. Sakaki as the latter was obsessed in inventing weird rations lately.**

 

 

* * *

 

**Mishap 4: Lindow and Sakuya**

 

Sakuya: Urgh, I feel fat recently. Do I look like a cow?

 

_Lindow: Moo_

 

Sakuya: Great :(

_Lindow: Moo_

_Lindow: Moo_

 

Sakuya: Lindow! You're being awfully rude!

 

_Lindow: Oh no! No no no no! That was the worst auto-correct ever! I said Nooo I swear to god!_

Sakuya: You're sleeping on the couch tonight!

 

_Lindow: MOO MOO read the text read the text!_

_Lindow: Oi, why are you doing this to me auto-correct!_

 

**Aftermath: Later that, they were both surprised by the reason behind Sakuya's unusual crankiness and swelling around her belly.**

 

* * *

 

**Mishap 5: Alisa and Kanon**

 

Alisa: I'm going to the laundry room. You want to tag along?

 

_Kanon: You bitch_

Alisa: Huh?

 

_Kanon: Nooo! I meant you BETCHA!_

 

Alisa: Oh, good! I thought your sadistic side shows up even without holding your God Arc!

 

_Kanon: Oh dead, I feel soooo bad!_

 

_Kanon: DEAR!_

 

**Aftermath: In the end, Alisa had spent hours to convince the pinknette that she's not mad.**

* * *

 

 

**Mishap 6: Alisa and Kota**

 

Alisa: Have you finished the report yet?

 

_Kota: Nope!_

 

Alisa: Again?! Why?!

 

_Kota: Because I'm Kota, the prostitute!_

 

Alisa: ...What?

 

_Kota: PROCRASTINATOR! I MEAN IM A PROCRASTINATOR!_

 

Alisa: Big choice of word for a prostitute...

 

_Kota: Urgh, stupid auto-cucumber!_

**Aftermath: Kota was getting weird gazes as he desperately tries to correct himself to Alisa at the lobby.**

* * *

 

**Mishap 7: Alisa and Sakuya**

 

Alisa: Kota is officially the worst neighbour ever!

 

_Sakuya: Gosh, what happened now?_

Alisa: Aside from him just being a filthy lazy slob? He keeps sneaking my pussy away and I want to scream!

 

_Sakuya: Er... Are you sure you should be telling me this?_

 

Alisa: Huh?

 

Alisa: NOOO!

 

Alisa: OMG! I meant to type pudding! Like I would let that slob anywhere near me that way!

 

_Sakuya: Haha, and here I thought we were going to have another set of lovebirds in the Den._

 

Alisa: I feel so mortified right now...

**Aftermath: Alisa could not fathom how lucky she was that the person she was texting with was Sakuya, and began to type slower than she usually did, re-read it carefully before she send her texts to anyone.**

 

* * *

 

 

**Mishap 8: Soma and Lindow**

 

Lindow: Hey kid, in your room?

 

_Soma: Yea_

 

Lindow: Good, just received cold hermaphrodites. I'll bring your portion to you.

 

_Soma: No. Keep it to yourself._

 

Lindow: Hermaphrodites!

 

_Soma: I said NO! You're disgusting me!_

 

Lindow: Heineken! Dammit!

 

Lindow: H-E-I-N-E-K-E-N

 

_Soma: Why can't you just type beer ration instead?_

_Soma: Still, I'm locking the door you freak._

 

**Aftermath: Lindow still pondering how was is possible for could the simple word Heineken would be auto-corrected into complicated word such as hermaphrodites.**

 

* * *

 

**Mishap 9: Soma and Kota**

 

Soma: I'm lesbian now. See you at the lobby in 5 min.

 

_Kota: Wow, you're lesbian? Can't wait to tell Leader this!_

 

Soma: I'm meant LEAVING now.

 

_Kota: Oh, haha! Nice one!_

 

Soma: Goddammit auto-cucumber

 

Soma: Auto-carrot

 

Soma: Fudging Ultra-cucumber

 

Soma: ......

 

_Kota: BWAHAHAHAHA! I'm laughing so hard that I'm crying!_

 

Soma: Shuddup! How can I disable this fudge king auto-bot?!

 

_Kota: Dude, if only you were always this funny around us!_

 

Soma: Keep licking and I'm gonna pinch you!

 

Soma: *Laughing and punch!

 

_Kota: BEST DAY EVER!_

 

Soma:....

 

Soma: Forget it.

 

**Aftermath: During the whole mission, Soma was fighting the urge to shove the cackling red-haired into the mouth of a hungry mouth of Vajra.**

 

* * *

 

**Mishap 10: Tsubaki, Dr.Sakaki and HQ.**

 

"I'm surprised, Tsubaki. For you of all people to make such errors such interesting errors," said Dr.Sakaki who couldn't stop chuckling with amusement, "You misspelled 'Gods Eater,' in to 'Goose Waiter.' Also, you frequently used, 'die,' when I believe you meant, 'the.'"

 

**Aftermath: Mortified, Tsubaki rushed back to her office to check if any of those disastrous reports were sent to the HQ. Meanwhile the people from the HQ wondered if someone else had sent the reports instead of Tsubaki.**

 

 

* * *

 

**So, how was it?**

**Waiting for your lovely reviews! ;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the plots.**

**Warning: T/M-rated for choices of wordings (or depends on your imaginations).**

**A/N: Hey, I’m back with the new chapter! Since the previous “Auto-Correct Mishaps” chapter was my best work yet, I might not be able to come up with a chapter that could top that for a while.**

**I know idea for this chapter was way too common. But hey, no one had use it and write for GEB, right?**

**So I do hope this chapter could be still enjoyable for everyone.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

 

 

“Ah… H-Hold on a sec!”

Awkward, was not enough of a word to describe how the young elite Russian God Eater was feeling at the moment as she stood stiffly before the door of the sickbay with her head hung low, face flushed into rosy shade when the suggesting (somewhat) groans and whimpers came from the other side of the door.

What made it even more awkward was…

“W-Wait! I’m not ready!”

“We have waited long enough, stop wasting time and get on with it!”

The voices belong to two guys.

But that wasn’t even the worst part…

“Ack! Soma! You’re hurting me! Put that _thing_ away!”

“Shut up, idiot redhead! I won’t have to do this if it weren’t because of you! Now stop squirming and let me do my thing!”

It was her fellow teammates and close friends, Soma and Kota.

_What? When? How?_ These three words kept multiplying and flooding Alisa’s mind as suggesting conversation kept coming without pause.

Of course, she was perfectly aware that both Soma and Kota had already on a good term in comparison with the mild hostility they had towards each other months ago, and she could gladly tell the world that they’re close friend, much to their leader’s delight and relieve.

But she had certainly not- not even in her wildest dream- would expected that the newly formed friendship between those two could rapidly escalated in to _that_ within the span of, like what, a month?

“Nooo! D-Don’t! It’s already hurting like hell! Don’t push it in anymore further!”

“Stop flinching! You’re just gonna make it go deeper when I have no intention of doing so yet!”

“What kind of retort was that?! You aren’t supposed to push it in yet until I’m ready in the first place!”

“Ahhh! S-Something is dripping out!”

“It’s your own blood…”

“I knew that! But what’s with the yellow-ish goo?! Are you gonna tell me that is my blood too?!”

“I thought our leader is slow enough, but the truth is, you’re even slower. You don’t even know that those yellow-ish goo are? Slowpoke.”

Now that their leader was mentioned, it could only prove that Alisa’s was not hallucinating things, nor was she wrong about her assumptions of what was going inside the sickbay.

After all, their leader, Aurora, was a great leader with skills and good in whatever she does, but with one major flaw. She has utterly no idea how romantic relationships could lead to. Heck, Aurora doesn’t even had any idea where babies came from!

So what else could Soma mean their leader being slow of?

“AHHH! I feel like I’m splitting! Stop! Stop what you’re doing!”

“No, I’m not stopping.”

Just merely a few hours ago Kota was excitingly talking about the type of girl he would want to go out with; and Alisa had always assumed that Soma has a thing for their leader. So how could those led to this? Were those just a front to hide the fact that Kota and Soma was an item?

If so, now that she had found out their secret, how was she supposed to look at them in the eyes after this? How was she going to explain to Aurora of why she’s being awkward around those two?

“S-Soma… Don’t-”

“I’m losing my patience here.”

“You’re never patient with me in the first place!”

“We have been here for more than half an hour, yet we’re not making any progress at all! You’re being difficult here!”

“I’m not trying to be difficult! You’re just being damn rough!”

“Just shut up and take it like a man!”

“Hey! Even a man can’t endure such pain! You’re not the one with something sticking into your body!”

_Oh gosh!_ Face beet red as her God Arc, Alisa buried her face into her palms as whatever was going on in there was heading to the next level.

She really did not want to stand here, eavesdropping the noises coming from the sickbay like someone with weird hobby. However, what if someone else walked in on them after she left?

If it was someone else, she would immediately just leave them be for all she cared. But those two guys in there was her friends. She can’t let them being frowned upon and suffer humiliation by the others in the Den if should their secret been exposed.

Should she leave or stay to stand guard until they finish their ‘businesses’?

Alisa was in dilemma.

A big one.

“You know what? I’m done listening your whining. Brace yourself, I’m gonna make this quick!”

“Wha-? Noo---!!! Owowowow! S-Soma, Soma! Stop! I say stop, you brute!”

What just happened?

Alisa couldn’t get more petrified than she already did.

_Soma lost his patience, and now he’s Kota?_ She thought with her face appalled as Kota’s screaming doesn’t sound like he was willing.

Should she barge in and safe him?

Or this always happened so she should just mind her own business?

Which one?

What should she do?

“Soma… are you done yet? I’m dying here…”

“No I’m not. Damn it! I said stop squirming! And shut up while you’re at it!”

As much as she want to safe Kota from Soma, Alisa really doesn’t want the sight of two guys being one plagued her mind for years.

“…-lisa?”

Should she just leave after all?

“Alisa!”

“Huh?! What?” Alisa jolted at the call of her name and made a 180 degree turn only to find her leader looking at her with a worried yet perplexed expression, “L-Leader!”

“What’s wrong, Alisa? Your face are all flushed.” Aurora asked.

“F-Flushed?” Alisa stuttered as she realize the skin of her cheeks felt hot against her palms, “I-It’s nothing! I’m fine! Totally fine!”

“You sure?” Aurora was clearly not convinced when Alisa was being all unnaturally flustered, “I think you should take a rest in the sickbay.”

_Who would want to rest in the sickbay when there’s two guys going at it in one of the sickbed?!_ Alisa practically screamed in her head.

“N-No, there’s no such need. I’ll just take a nap at my own room later.”

“You better do, because you seem pale.” Aurora nodded with relieve after hearing her friend willing to take a rest.

Alisa’s heart skipped a beat when Aurora’s finger was reaching towards the button at the doorframe to open the door.

“Leader, wait!” Alisa shouted and stopped Aurora from pressing the button by grabbing her wrist.

“Huh?” Aurora was baffled at Alisa’s agitation, and could only gave her a glamour gaze.

“D-Don’t go in there!”

“Why?” Aurora tilted her head a little as she questioned her.

“B-Because you just can’t!”

Those two’s secret aside, she absolutely won’t allow her leader’s innocent mind be tainted by the sight beyond this door!

“Soma and Kota are in there, right? There’s something I need to give them.”

“This is not the right time!”

“What?”

“I-I mean, they are busy with something, you shouldn’t interrupt-”

“AHHHH! Soma, stop already!”

The questioning cry of Kota’s pierce through the door, rendering both female God Eaters speechless at the whimper and Soma’s grumbling that was soon followed.

“…”

“…”

Noticed the bewildered expression painted on Aurora’s face as her eyes glued on the door, Alisa frantically waving her hands desperately trying to explain things out, “Y-You see, Leader, that was…”

Before Alisa could utter another word, Aurora sighed hopelessly as the screaming from the other side of the door continued, “I told them to wait, and now look what had they done?”

“Eh?” If Alisa was petrified earlier, now she was horrified.

What does Aurora mean by that? Does that mean that Aurora knew what was actually going on inside the sickbay? For real? How?

With Alisa’s brain momentary fried from her own train of thoughts, it was already too late by the time she realized that Aurora pressed the button without hinder.

By the time the door smoothly slide open, Alisa was once again, stupefied.

Right before her, was Soma holding down the squirming Kota, trying to carefully pull out what seems like a Chi-You’s broken talon out of the redhead’s arm.

Both of them were fully clothed.

“Soma, I told you to wait until I get the Anaesthetic from Dr. Sakaki!” Aurora exclaimed as she quickly pushes Soma off the fainting teen.

“Leader… Save me from this brute… I think I’m dying…”

“Tch, stop being such a drama queen. You’re not even half-way near dying.”

“Leader, you see! See! He doesn’t even know what’s he was doing and keep pulling and pushing the talon that stuck on my arm! And what’s with the white-ish goo forming around the wound?!”

“Those are just pus, you idiot. Do some basic homework.”

“Pus! Now you’re telling me it’s just pus?!”

“Kota, calm down.”

“I am calm!”

“Doubt it.”

“Soma, stop inciting him and lend me a hand to hold him down!”

With Aurora and Soma busying trying to carefully pull the talon out of Kota after injected his injured arm with drug, Alisa could only stood at the door feeling embarrassed at herself for assuming something else was going on.

“This is so mortifying…”

After that, overwhelmed by self-hate and embarrassed, it took quite some time for Alisa to finally able to have a normal conversation with Soma and Kota, whilst the latter two had no idea whatever words they had exchanged at the sickbay was over-the-top misleading.

They all just assumed that Alisa was mad at them for leaving her out from the mission they went that day.

* * *

**So, how was it?**

**Had someone assumed something was going on between Soma and Kota like Alisa did?**

**Tsk, tsk!**


	6. Chocolate Disaster- Part 1

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the plots.**

**A/N: Hey, Happy Belated Valentine’s Day to all dearest readers! Finally able to produce a one-shot for ‘Daily Dose of Fun with Gods Eater’. Sorry that it took me so long. Enjoy the read!**

* * *

 

Valentine's Day. The one of the few celebrations which was successfully passed down to this day (not sure how) even when humans were constantly at risk of being 'chocolate' themselves to the hungry stomach of the aragami roaming around outside of the Anti-Aragami Wall…

Ahem.

Ignore the previous summary, it wasn't her intention to come up with such depressing and gory statement. Probably.

So let her rephrase.

Valentine's Day. The day where loves in all forms hangs in the air…

She _reaaally_ failed to see that happening. More like constant fearful vibes transmitting around like dangerous- No! Nope, nope. Another depressing curt.

Cough.

Valentine's Day. The day when the price of chocolates (artificial flavouring products) were ridiculously higher than usual, which she concluded as 'Evil Commercial Tactics that tramples all over the already delicate love that survives in the overwhelming depressed world'… Great now, she sounds like a grudging miser like Karel who complains about everything that has anything to do with money…

For some unsaid reason, she was barely a fan of Valentine's Day. Don't get her wrong though. She _loves_ sweets. It was the day that made her cringed from inside out. Not that she hated it. Just a little resistant of it. As for why? It was a story to be told later… Probably.

But at the moment, she _has_ to keep her mind busy by making random statements, _any_ strange stuff she could thought of this unwelcoming day (for her own reason) as an distraction from the chaotic battle that was happening in… No, no. Distraction, distraction. Focus! Just don't look at the… mystifying corner of the room.

Sigh.

Valentine's Day. The day when the air should be wafting with the ridiculously sweetening scent of chocolate (And again, artificial flavoured chocolate. The cocoa tree long since extinct in the stomach of aragami) that represent sincere love- or not so for some of those with malicious motifs… When she said 'should', she meant that every corner of the Den, be it at the inside, outside, right side, left side, front, back or Outer Ghetto; as long as it was inside of every crooks and crannies of the Anti-Aragami Wall _should_ be wafting with the scent of _edible_ homemade chocolate. Yet, it was already bad enough that she wasn't a big fan of Valentine's Day, she had even realized that she had a new found ability to attract herself an impending free chocolate poiso- cough, free chocolate tasting experience…

_Splatter!_

"Oh no! Dishcloth, dishcloth…"

Valentine's Day. She will forever engrave this day in her mind, despite her mental protest, as the ominous gas omitting in the air, eerily illustrated skeleton screaming doom at the small kitchen of her fellow friend's… fashionable room.

_Sizzles!_

"Ack! It burnt! W-where's my spatula?!"

The very same day where her most beloved black fur kid companion, Leonard the wolf, choose to display the act of mutiny and abandoned her for the fresher air and… edible meal that would cause lesser pain in the stomach.

That's it, no more belly rub and sleeping on the same bed for you mister black bundle of fur!

Then again, could she even resist the urge to cuddle her fur kid though? The mere thought of not hugging the warm fluff while she sleeps sounds painful…

That crafty little canine.

Sob.

_Crack! Splatter! Blob!_

"Ah, the egg turns out weird…"

How did the whole egg, as in along with the shell, ended up in the chocolate (?) mixture in the first place?

"Since it should be sweet, I should pour in the whole sweet corn jam…"

Say what?

"But I don't think it'll be sweet enough as sweetener."

There's an ingredient called granulated sugar, dear Alisa. So forget the sweet corn jam and try to select the right one.

"Oh! I know, ice-cream are sweet! I should just melt them and mix it in the mixture!"

Not entirely wrong, yet not right either. Because it was dubious that ice-cream could even magically transform the strange mixture into a normal chocolate. Too late.

"Aw, I ate the last one from my fridge yesterday. Oh well, I'll just have go with sweet corn jam."

_Pour!_

Oh joy…

* * *

"Say, Soma! Guess what day is today?" Kota grinned as he slung his arm over the shoulder of the buster blader, walking out from the God Arc Storage Room.

"What?" Soma frowned and shrugged off the younger teen's arm only to have it hanging back on his shoulder along with the bewildered face which he wanted nothing more to whack on it at the moment.

"Are you serious?! It was the day of every living man in Far East Branch dreaming of every year! Or was it that you failed to look at the calendar this morning?!"

"Just get straight to the point, Kota." Soma growled impatiently, pushing the arm off his shoulder and crossed his arms around his chest.

"It's Valentine's Day!"

"…Oh."

"Oh? Oh?! That's it? That's the only reaction from you on this sacred day?!" Kota exaggeratedly flails and clutched his hands on Soma's shoulder, intended to shake some sense into the socially awkward young man.

"You're the one who's being overreacting over unnecessary day such as Valentine's Day!" Soma, again, swatted away the offending hands and straighten his slight dishevelled hoodie before going back to his previous posture.

"It's a day filled with chocolate goodies from cute girls! Opposite gender! How is that considered as 'unnecessary day'?!"

"So what? It has nothing to do with me. This is ridiculous, I'm going back to my room."

Looking at the retreating form of his older teammate, Kota uncharacteristically smirked, and quickly sprint forward to block the platinum blond, "I get it. You're just being bitter that not one has ever given you chocolate for the 18 years of your life!"

"That's not-"

"It's fine, it's fine!" Kota interjected him, propped his elbow on Soma's shoulder and leaned almost his whole weight on it, which the latter plotting to just abruptly move aside to let the younger teen kiss his shit-eating-grin face on the metal tiled floor, "You have proven the other people in the Den that you're not a completely heartless, anti-social grump compared to back then, be confident. Like me!"

"…"

"What? What's with the sceptical vibes that I'm receiving from you?"

Since younger teen to fixate on this Valentine's Day conversation, he might as well play along. After all, he was no longer a total 'heartless, anti-social grump', right?

"So, how many people have _you_ received chocolate from in your life."

Not the number of chocolates, it was the number of people.

Soma purposely asked that way because he already knew the answer in his head.

"Two!" Kota proudly shows two fingers to emphasis the number, grinned, "From my Ma and Nozomi!"

"…Heh." Soma moved his head to aside and smirked.

"D-Don't jeer at me!" Kota felt his confidant slipped at the speed of water flushing down the drain and flustered, "Ma and Nozomi's chocolate are to die for! Especially Nozomi's! I could just feel all the love and effort she pour into to make the chocolate for this Big Brother of hers! It definitely worth a hundred-no, thousands or even infinite numbers of chocolates that I could get out there!"

"Right."

"Hah! Feeling jealous?! You definitely are! But I'm not gonna share it to you, so dream on!"

Trust Kota Fujiki to steer a topic from one to another within two minutes.

"Given that I have never received anything from anyone, I probably am. But then again," Soma's smirking twisted into a more evil version before Kota's eyes and froze him down the core, then came the worst nightmarish truth that Kota had been fighting to be ignorant of as each year passes, "You better savour every bite of your chocolate while it last. Once Nozomi all grown up, I bet she will be focusing on pouring her love and effort in making chocolate for a special guy instead and give you store bought chocolate for a change."

"Noooo!" Kota clasps his hands on his ears with the face spelled 'the world is gonna end', trying to erase the cruel reality Soma had just drill in his mind with all his might, "Soma! You ruthless, evil piece of- huh?"

Took advantage of Kota's few second of dramatic depression, Soma had already made a beeline out of the overexcited teen's sight. Leaving the teen to sulk alone.

"Argh, guess I messed up again." Kota sighed helplessly. He was just curious of which girl in the Den Soma looking forward to receive chocolate from. Something like that was every guy around their age loved to talk about. But he had let his excitement gotten ahead of him and somewhat irritate his older teammate rather than taken interest to further immerse into the guy talk.

Crestfallen, Kota made his way to the Entrance with his shoulder remained slump until he spotted a cute newbie who joined Fenrir just a month ago darting her gaze around eagerly, carefully holding a small box in her hands.

 _Is that what I think it is?!_ Kota straighten his back as the newbie finally fixed her gaze on him, and beamed, starting to run towards him.

 _I-is this really happening?!_ Kota thought agitatedly, heart pounding against his chest as the newbie gotten closer and closer until she stopped few step in front of him.

 _Is this indicates my spring is just an arm reach away? Am I getting popular without myself noticing after becoming a God Eater? This is really happening! First Valentine chocolate from a cute girl aside from Ma and Nozomi! Hah, take that, Soma!_ Kota could no longer stop himself from grinning.

"Are you Kota from the 1st Unit?" The cute newbie asked shyly.

"T-that's right." Kota's voice trembled from excitement. _Be cool, Kota! Be cool! No stuttering!_

"Do you know where Soma is right now?"

It was like being bitch slap down to the ground while ascending the fluffy cloud without flying Chi-You on the sky.

"… Sorry?"

Mistaken of Kota's stiffen smile as herself being overly casual in front of her senior, she quickly reform herself to speak in a more polite way, "I-I was looking for Mr. Soma from the 1st Unit. Do you by any chance know where he might be?"

"Ahaha, sorry, I'm not so sure myself since he suddenly disappeared on me just a moment ago." Kota answered honestly, sheepishly scratches the back of his head, trying to ignore the cracking sound coming from his glass heart and tried to be as casual as he had always been, "Is that chocolate for Soma?"

As expected, the newbie blushed furiously and shyly nodded, "W-Well, it's not that I was hoping for him to reciprocate my feeling, so this is more like a thank you chocolate for saving me from being crushed by a Quadriga few days ago." She duck her head down and squirming from embarrassment, mumbling, "He was so cool when he took down that gigantic aragami on his own…"

Kota's brow twitched.

Setting his own bleeding heart aside, as much as he hated to admit, Soma could definitely qualify to be a heartbreaker if it weren't for his attitude of a total prick.

_Soma, you traitor! Now who's gonna share my fate of not receiving chocolate from other cute girls, huh?!_

* * *

For anyone who called Aurora a world class actress of always being oblivious and always being gentle and nice, her façade was definitely slipping of her face before the… mysterious, obviously inedible gas omitting object on the plate.

She could already felt her stomach protesting.

Alisa on the other hand, nervously clasps her hands together and consistently shifting on her seat waiting for her self-admitting-not-so-successful-creation to be critique. Beside her was her kitchenette that had experienced through manmade abuse… by her own hands. Strange remaining substance dripping here and there that the two girls knew in mind that the stain would be a pain to clean.

"S-So, what do you think?" Alisa started with anticipation she noticed the uncharacteristically blank and somewhat lifeless look appeared on her usually kind and encouraging leader's face.

"It looks… unique." _Stay strong! Now is not the right time to let your façade slips! Be encouraging!_ Aurora kept telling herself in her mind as she tried to force suitable words to describe the whole new level of creation in front of her. She would gladly call it new edition of poison cooking if it weren't for the sake of protecting Alisa's feelings.

"A-And? And?" Alisa unconsciously sat closer to her leader, trying to get more encouraging words out from her. Her feminine pride was on stake! Of course she has the right wanting to get more assurance from her closest friend!

"It is definitely mysterious that it would be an error to eat it." Squeezing the right words out from her brain had never been this painful of a task. Was this the work of Alisa's horrifying cooking skill? If it was, then it would be destructive.

"So you mean…"

"It is practically inedible." The kind and encouraging leader decided give up on nice words and to be painfully honest for once.

"I-I see. Should have knew." Alisa dejectedly hung her head low, twiddling her thumbs at the harsh honesty. _My cooking is so bad that even Aurora gave be a harsh critique rather than encouragement._

"Did you follow the recipe you found?" Aurora asked as she poke the object that was supposed to be a chocolate with a fork. Guess what? She could've sworn that she just saw the tips of the fork… corroded.

Alisa abruptly sat up straight, "I-I did! Probably…" then she mumbled the last part diffidently.

"Probably?" Then what's with the egg, sweet corn jam and other ingredients she had been hearing the elite Russian sniper adding in to the saucepan as she forlornly waiting at the side for the completion of the dangerous dessert that were meant to end up in her and the rest of 1st Unit members' stomach. Aurora placed the fork down, smiling sweetly at her, which had Alisa shuddered.

"W-Well, since it is Valentine's Day and all, I planned to add a few personal touch making the chocolate before handing them out as obligation chocolate to the others, so…" Alisa nervously swirl a strand of her hair with her fingers, "Cooking chocolate bar was the only ingredient I followed from the recipe…"

"Long story short, you basically didn't follow the basic recipe."

"Yes…" Alisa hung her head low again.

Aurora relented a little at the sight of her dejected close friend, but, for her and other teammates' stomach's sake, she must persevere and be harsh for once.

"Your thoughts of wanting to make something special for our comrades on such special day is definitely precious and to be applaud of," Aurora cleared her throat and spoke, "But don't you think starting from basic is equally as important?"

Alisa raised her head to meet her leader's eyes, then gingerly agreed, "Yes."

"Won't you want our comrades to eat your chocolate without falling ill or fainting?"

"O-Of course." She nodded again.

"Then!" Aurora placed her hand on Alisa's shoulder firmly, and probably without herself knowing it, emitting a domineering air, leaving the latter in no position to reject whatever comes next, "Let's clean up the kitchenette and start over. We should be able to finish making the chocolate before dinner. This time though, _do not_ reject my help."

"O-Okay!"

That was certainly the first time Alisa experience the domineering side of her leader. And she assumed it was because her leader loves to eat, the latter was not happy with her unintentional act of wasting food and resource.

Dead wrong.

But that was another part to be told in another story.

Meanwhile, the other members of 1st Unit unwittingly dodged a giant bullet.

**To be continue...**


	7. Chocolate Disaster- Part 2

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except for my OCs and the plots.**

**Warning: T-rated for somewhat swearing.**

**A/N: I know it has been waaay past White Day, I could only say, sorry, Happy Belated White Day! Here's the Chocolate Disaster Part 2 as I promised, but it might not be as good as I intended after all those college assignments and projects eating my inspiration and drive away.**

**But still, I do hope this chapter could be still enjoyable for everyone.**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

Ever since Shio's depart, Soma started to be more tolerant and accepting to various things he used to deemed unnecessary. Like, spending idle time with his teammates, helping Kota in his study to raise his poor grades to more presentable level for promotion exams, sharing thoughts of the books he interested in with his Leader, as well as just sitting in the cafeteria with a mug of coffee sharing short and random conversations with Lindow.

He was being acceptance to others' effort and good intention to get to know him as a person rather than a Death God. However, that didn't mean that he could miraculously change from a depressing grump he admitted himself to be in to a cheerful guy within the span of short period of time. And besides, he shuddered at the thought of himself being all smiley and behave like a bundle of joy like the certain red-haired goof ball in his Unit. Nope, not happening. Never. But he was starting to improve and has more positive bearing, that's for sure.

However.

"What kind of abominable experiment are you trying to pull this time, Old Geezer?"

Starting his long awaited day-off by being forcefully dragged out of his couch all the way to the cunning doctor's laboratory and being persuade to put on an apron (not the frilly type, mind you) was certainly not what he had planned in mind, and _definitely_ beyond the borderline of his limited acceptance for just anything at the time being.

"I'm terribly sadden, Soma." Doctor Sakaki sighed, but his smiling fox face spoke of another tale, "Why would I do something that would create chaos on such lovely day of the year?"

He is definitely plotting something.

"Then what's with this get up?" Soma said, impatiently tug on the hem of the blue apron he was forced on, and glared at the red-haired teen who was responsible of dragging him here in his orange apron.

"My, my, Soma. Healthy young man like you could afford to be more mindful and romantic to special occasion, I'm sure Aisha would be thrilled about getting a daughter-in-law if she's still alive."

"Stop using my mother as a lure to get me do what you want."

"And of all things to inherit from Johannes, I guess you somehow inherited his pitifully low emotional intelligence when it comes to romance. Like father like son, I would say."

"Don't compare me to him either!"

"Then again, I guess Aisha was to blame to that part of Johannes's clumsiness in romance. She never chastise him every single time he forgotten to celebrate-"

"Do you think I care what my old man did in the past? Just what do you want?" Soma finally cut him short before the whole conversation turned into the romance history of his parents, glaring at Kota who won't stop cackling the whole time.

Doctor Sakaki flicked his spectacles, declared, "Inventing chocolate for White Day."

"Oh cool!" Kota exclaimed excitedly.

"It _is_ something abominable after all." Soma said curtly.

As the first victim of the infamous First Love Juice, Soma sincerely doubt that the old fox could even produce something favourable.

* * *

"L-Leader…" Alisa sheepishly called out to Aurora after her body shuddered out of the blue. Something bad was going to happen, she just knew it. Or else, who on earth would shudder when being literally cooped up in the Infernal Subway?

"Hn?"

"I had a bad feeling today." Alisa honestly express her worry.

"I always had a bad day on White Day." Aurora muttered. Though it was inaudible, Alisa could sense the same rare negative vibes emitted from Aurora during Valentine's Day.

"Huh?"

"Uh, I mean, I feel the same way." Aurora immediately rephrased, albeit sounded forceful. She too, had been shuddering since morning as she felt all sorts of hostility was targeting her outside of the Den. But Alisa doesn't have to know about her dilemma. As for the sources of those pricking malevolence vibes, that was another story to be told.

"Do you think we should head back?" Alisa asked.

"Not now."

"Why not? It's White Day. Aren't you curious to see what the boys are giving in return?"

Then, Alisa somewhat saw mist of dark aura cloaking around her leader, she shuddered again.

"Nope, not at all." Aurora was smiling, but her eyes were as dead as corpse, forcing Alisa to subconsciously take a few steps backward. "Why would I want to know what's going on such detestable- I mean, distinct day?"

'She just said detestable. I definitely heard her said the word detestable!' Alisa exclaimed in her own head and she stood stiffly straight as a pole.

"You could head back first if you want. As for me, I am going to disappear for a day. Don't expect to see me until tomorrow."

"W-Wait, Leader! You can't just decide that for yourself!"

"It's fine, it's fine." Aurora said indifferently and head towards the opposite side of the pick-up point, "I already had Tsubaki's permission to take up extra missions."

Before Alisa had a chance to stop her, a startled puppy yelp cut her off. By the time she realized it, a bundle of black fur ball were being tossed towards her and land right in her arms. It's her Leader's beloved companion.

Then, Alisa heard her Leader grumbling from distance, "On day like this, I _refuse_ to be in the same room with anything that are made out of XY Chromosomes and surround by virago squads who's out for my blood and a want nothing more to land their palms on my cheeks. Valentine's Day is enough, who on earth created White Day in the first place?"

Trust the Leader to make an epic complaint without a use of foul words.

XY Chromosomes? Virago squads?

What?

Alisa could only gawk in wonder as the Leonard's fluffy ears pressed down tight against his skull, tail tug between his hind legs, whining in deject, but made no move to chase his mistress down as he somehow knew he would ended up being toss back to Russian God Eater again.

* * *

"W-Wow…"

"…"

"What are you two youngsters waiting for? Go on and give them out to your romantic interest!" Doctor Sakaki encouraged proudly, seemingly satisfied with his creation with the help of Soma and Kota.

But the latter two knew better that they mostly help in stopping the eccentric scientist from dropping anymore inedible stuff into the sauce pan rather than cooking. In the end, their frantic effort on preventing the worst from happening proven to be futile.

"What the hell is this?" Soma asked an unnecessary question with a gloomed face, eying the bubbling piles of unknown on the plate.

"Soma, it's a White Day Chocolate of course!"

"B-But, there's nothing… white of this chocolate…" Kota nervously inch closer to take a look at the 'White Day Chocolate' that contains myriad of mysterious colours, "And it certainly doesn't smell like one."

"Of course it doesn't smell like those unhealthy artificial cocoa and sweeteners. It's a specially made chocolate that are meant for God Eaters!" Doctor Sakaki declared.

"No one with the right mind would eat it." Soma retorted bluntly with monotonous tone and Doctor Sakaki immediately disagree, "You wouldn't know, Soma. Love is blind. Who knows, there are girls who might actually eat it as appreciation for your effort. Take your Leader as an example."

"I could already imagine Alisa shove the plate into my face." Kota uttered uncertainly. "Is it a bad thing that I'm having a second thought that Leader would actually eat it?"

"Not at all." Soma responded.

Heck, he even had a gut feeling that they won't be seeing a silhouette of their leader for the day.

"Soma, you look just like your father did when he messed up on preparing White Day gift for Aisha."

That moment, Soma felt a certain string in him finally snapped, "Like I said, stop making comparison out of both of us! And besides, _you're_ the one who created this 'messed up'!"

* * *

"Sooo, Alisa," Kota started after moment of silence and awkward, "Where's Leader?"

"She sort of… fled." And she wished she had followed.

"Traitor." Soma grumbled.

That day, the 1st Unit had accidentally discovered another side of their Leader:

1\. Their Leader was not the biggest fan of Valentine's Day and White Day. They had no idea why.

2\. During Valentine's Day or White Day, their Leader refuses to be in the same room with anything that was made of XY Chromosomes, even her favourite, inseparable wolf companion included. Alisa had no idea why.

3\. During Valentine's Day or White Day, their Leader would switch from sweet to murderous mode. They had no idea why and they might afraid to find out.

4\. During Valentine's Day or White Day, their Leader's room would mysteriously trashed, and they had no idea how since the surveillance camera caught no one. Leader seemed to know who did it, but she only responded with an eerily tantalizing smile, said "You won't want to know."

5\. During Valentine's Day or White Day, their Leader's loyalty, integrity, benevolence, compassion, etc. would all flush down to the gutter and fled to take refuge somewhere outside of the Far East Branch, deliberately forsaken them to dealt with aftermath of the certain eccentric scientist's abominable creation that had put the First Love Juice to shame.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Leader of the 1st Unit was sitting at the rooftop of a ruined skyscraper, sipping a can of rationed tea. She expression was relax and tranquil, but the dents on the surface of the can created from her tightening grip painfully screamed the opposite. "Once I've done my part in the Den, I'm gonna make those five ungrateful whelps to deal with their virago fans. They better be ready."

* * *

Somewhere few miles away from the Tranquil Temple, a set of identical twins sneezed at the same time and caught the attention of the other three comrades.

"A rare sight." Exclaimed a certain red-haired young man.

"Not that much of a rare sight anymore since this happens twice every year." Said a raven haired young man sat beside him cynically.

"I hate it when we sneezed together." Said Kansugi, the younger twin.

"She's plotting another creative ways to guilt trip us." Said Kanzaki, the older twin.

"Those who created these two days should be damned." Said Sasori.

Apparently, the 1st Unit Leader were not the only one who's weary of the two supposedly lovely days.

* * *

**To those who are confused with the appearance of the five person at the last part, you can go check out my other fanfiction of GE 'The First Snow Fall of Winter', since 'Daily Dose of Fun with God Eaters' is sort of an extras that are not included to my main story. Or, you can just ignore the last part if you are not interested. No pressure.**

**As for those who are interested, a lovely feedback would be loved!**


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